WHERE IS THE TRUTH?!

should these words haunt
and hang in otherwise empty air
or should we even care

I've been chasing answers
for some time now

long since before she even asked me
it seems truth got buried in the past

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Somehow this almost feels safe.
The place where my brokenness is laid bare
And my fears are tightly wrapped in needlessly flowery language
As though they are hiding in plain sight from no one.

Revisiting the memories of a long past me.
Reminding myself of the fool I used to be.
Reminiscing of love.
Reminiscing of pain.
Revisiting what it is they share.
Reminding myself what it's like to be the fool I am.

I never want to be here - yet

when I am empty
when I am lost

When I recall how broken I am

I'm glad to find it here.

...All of it.

Share

rain droplets cling to railings
as if they were dreams
catch them as they fall
atop deft fingertips
still unbalanced with ease
but with precision and care
they can stay there
and if you're lucky

you may

share this dream

with another

The weight

the weight sunk from my back to my heart
and the tears fell like shadows
obscuring what was right
eclipsing what was bright
if you cling so much to what you know
you may just stifle what you need to grow

Dance in the Ashes

Open your eyes and hold my hand - look past the both of us and let our clasped lips break free; tell no lies because it is through constant doubt and silienced lullabies that we broken hearts now stand with fists cleneched. Sorrowful, yet regretless, tears fill eyes admist our unspoken emotions whirling in deep blue like the cascading water or the flowing heavens. Let us reminisce of forgotten smiles and lost warmth with names echoing under each subtle breath as a lasting reminder of what is and what is to be while you and I, hand in hand, dance in the ashes of what could have been, celebrating what we do have.

Teeter on Edge

My mind aches with a loneliness my bones have grown to expect
I just wish to close my eyes and wake up in a better place; by your side
I want to open your eyes to the sun; set free the clouds eclipsing your face
Make our sorrowful expressions teeter on the edge
And I hope this moment leads us on a journey of a million smiles
With entwined arms pulling me as close to heaven as I can get without wings

Nighttime Flower

Nighttime smiles and entwined hands
Innocent laughter and open arms
Girl
Hold on
To those dreams
Tightly - so they will not escape you
In times of doubt do not forget
My hand and ear are near
Even my shoulder, should you need a moment to tear

Forever
Love
Ones self
With or without someone by your side
Even when hearts are still broken
Remember this, please

Escape the Years

as a child I forged these chains that bind me
this cage that confines me
with my own broken heart

and my own fucking tears
to keep away the fears
that could break me apart

but day by day
I wish I could find another way
to escape the years

I felt this pain
without the gain
you should get from your peers

and only the alcohol in my glass
the poison in my flask
lets me forget

how to live
and to forgive
without regret

Flummoxed in Deep Blue

you tossed me aside as inadequate
as have done the rest
your heartless motives
I would like to address
must you say the things you say
that make me feel broken this way
and must you do the things you do
that leave me here a deep shade of blue
maybe I'm just flummoxed
but darling, can't you see

you took what I felt

you tore what I felt

you tore it away from me

you took my smile
put tears in my eyes
brought jealousy to my heart
and only then, did I whisper to myself
no more

Her Hands

I see the sky in her eyes
and trouble on her lips
like two burning whips
lashing in my head

fears in her eyes
and unspoken words on her lips
as if an arctic chill
has froze them still

and I see tears in those eyes
broken hearts in those hands
regret in that smile
and broken hearts

Emptiness

A tear falls from my chin as I sit silently after many lost hours talking to you of life, death, and everything inbetween. My seemingly bottomless strife no longer haunts me. So deft were your words; like a surgeon cutting a gaping hole into my being and watching as the gooey insides spill out. I never foresaw the day that someone would carve a void into my person and I would sit idly, intrigued by your delicate precision.

Then you left me here.

Embodied by emptiness; an unsettling, yet comforting, calm shrouds my mind, but I am not afraid anymore... Only lost.

Hope

When I am with you I feel an entrancing nectarous ecstasy consume me, inspiring my inner most existence. I feel ensnared by some unexplored, yet alluring, emotion that I am unable to explain because I simply cannot comprehend its complexity... And I fear this is the closest I will ever be to deciphering this ineffable feeling lurking just beneath the surface I so wish you would just scratch away. My insecurity begs that I could forget so not to expose myself to possible harm, but the rest of my being lusts for the embracement of this perplexing fervor and hope... Hope that my world doesn't come crumbling down onto me like it has, oh so many times, before. This is where I stand- waiting, hoping, and wishing that someday perhaps I will be able to understand.

Capable of Comprehension

I have met many people while wandering down my path; friends, enemies, people I don't give a damn about, and then there's you... The first to be capable of comprehension. Only you know the burden I carry with me everyday- anger, fear, frustration, anguish... You are no stranger to this torment I shoulder because you and I, we are akin. We have walked parallel paths in this unforgiving mess of stone, water, and emotion, yet somehow, whether by fate or fortune, our tracks have become entwined- no longer do I feel quite so alone. Friendship brought us together, tragedy pulled us close, but it is our mutual demon, our understanding, that will give us strength. So, I ask of you this one thing, please, be my strength and I will be yours.

I See You

I watch as the whirlwind of life tosses you to the ground time and time and time again. Your eyes water, like a storm- a necessary depressant to keep your world alive, but you strive for something more. You fight for your strength. Kneel. Pray. Cry. Die from inside out. Nothing more than a shell of something that should not be...

But that is just what you see. I see you.

You see yourself as a feeble, powerless emptiness, but I see the truth- a vibrant gem, knicks and scratches adding to your beautiful character. Always, you blush and shake your head in disagreement, walk away from me once more. I know you've enough anger to boil the sea, but let it go, let it be, and smile. Smile unto me and let the sunrise today like on an icy winter morning, warming my sky.

Embrace

Running endlessly
Through the damp darkness
Exhaustedly running
Collapsing in the rain
Tears seeping from my eyes
Hopelessly, I close my eyes
And welcome the dark embrace

Paint Me

Why do you always try to change what I be
Imposing the life you want to live down on me
I am what I fucking am, not because of you
But because I follow what I believe is true
Rub your beliefs into me again and again
Do you really think this will save me from my sin
No, you will not change my fate
I won't hand you my life to paint
I am what I am and I'll be what I be
Regardless of what it is that you think of me

So this is my blog...

I'm going to be getting some of my older work up over the next few days hopefully. Remember, it's old so don't hate it too much ok. Maybe I'll start some new stuff soon too.